Last post…My most recent post. “Is The Author Of African Bean Bags Actually A Jerk?”
I’m sure some of you are a little confused. It’s the last line that probably threw you guys off. “But at least he knows how to eat a muffin correctly. @adamrape”
Allow me to explain…
Just a couple weeks ago I was eating lunch with a good friend of mine named Adam Rape. He was chowing down on his food when I noticed something strange. He had taken a single bite directly from the top of his banana muffin. Like, the top. Do you understand what I’m saying? Allow me to explain.
So take this muffin here for example. If you were to eat the muffin your first step would be to peel back the wrapper and bite into it right about there.
Attack it from the side, right? That’s a perfectly logical way to approach a muffin. We know this. We are not savages. But what I’m trying to say is that Adam goes about it from the top. Like so:
this is absolutely absurd, correct? What kind of monster eats a muffin like this? It’s inhumane I tell you. It just doesn’t make sense. Of course, I saw that he did this and I got angry. I tried to get over it, I couldn’t. It stayed with me. So I made a call out post about it disguised as a self roast. I have discussed this problem with Adam many times but he seems set in his ways. Let me give you the rundown of my problem with this tactic. As is discussed in the Seinfeld episode “The Muffin Tops” (season 8 episode 21) the top of the muffin is the best part. It has the most flavor, the best texture and provides the toppings (i.e. a glaze, sugar, nuts, etc.). If you attack from the side of the muffin, you get a bit of the sweet muffin top with each bite. Delicious. However, with Adam’s tactic, the top is the first thing gone. Leaving you nothing to look forward to for the rest of the muffin. It’s foolish. But Adam believes he is right. Please. If you see this man, tell him he needs to repent. It’s not too late.
Adam…if you’re out there, you must change your ways or spend eternity in muffin hell. I’m begging you. Listen to me…
For everyone else, tell me about your odd food habits in the comments so that I can write mean posts about you too! Thanks for reading. See you next time.